Near To You
by rachelstana
Summary: After the incident, Rachel is left alone. Brittany convinces her to let Santana live with her until she gets back up on her feet. WARNING: character death
1. Chapter 1

Rachel sat in silence, as she has been for the past four months it seemed, alone in their living room. Well, hardly theirs anymore, it was more Rachel's now ever since everything. A glass of wine in her hand, she drank it slowly, staring blankly at the fireplace. She hated that thing, always wanted to get rid of it but was convinced otherwise by Quinn to get one.

* * *

_"Come on, I've always wanted one, Rachel!" Quinn squealed, tugging gently on her lover's jacket, earning the usual Berry eye roll.__"This place isn't even that close to my job, Quinn. It'll take an hour just to get to work everyday, for both of us! Plus, that is a tremendous fire hazard and-"__Her face softened, looking at that same pout Quinn had used when she wanted anything and was absolutely not willing to give up. The same pout she used for everything, including where they would be eating later that night. The same pout that, no matter how hard Rachel tried not to, she smiled at and eventually agreed to.__"Alright, you win, Quinn. But it is your responsibility and duty to make sure that I am promptly up by five to get ready and leave and your job to keep the fireplace decent and clean and-" Rachel's words stopped when Quinn's lips connected with hers, her smile growing as she wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck, pulling her closer.__"I love you," Quinn murmured softly against her lips, resting her forehead on hers.__"I love you too."_

* * *

"Stupid fireplace," Rachel said with her voice husky from days of crying and dried out of any possibility of tears. "I didn't even want it…"

Chewing her bottom lip, she watched the flames intently, feeling herself slowly begin to relax. The only place she was able to sleep was right there, in front of that damn fireplace, the one place she always found Quinn in the house if she couldn't find her. Quinn's spot, as was dubbed the chair Rachel now sat in, perfectly in place with the fire place and a large glass window the looked out on the large backyard that made them an average American family, minus the kids, white picket fence, and dog.

Her eyes had just shut and she was beginning to doze off when she was awakened by a sudden presence behind her and hands covering her eyes. Rachel's smile grew wide, heart fluttering as she gripped the wrists gently, about to pull them off her eyes when she heard the voice by her ear.

"Guess who?"

Instantly, Rachel felt her heart fall about half way down. She couldn't be too sad, at least she was trying.

"Brittany, kindly remove your hands from my face. And tell Santana to stay the hell away from my liquor cabinet and Finn to keep his feet off my couch for the millionth time." Not a drop of happiness in her voice, nor sadness. Just another empty comment from Rachel Berry.

Hands gone from her eyes, she was greeted with a warm hug that both strangled and lifted her slightly from her seat. She couldn't help but smile, Brittany did try.

"Hi to you, Brittany. Please let me go, I can't breathe…"

Letting her go, Brittany's smile was gone and instead confusion marked her face. "If you can't breathe, how are you talking?"

Taking hold of her hand and pulling her into his lap, Finn smiled and shook his head. "She just can't handle your hugs sometimes, Britt." He pressed a gently kiss to her cheek, biting his lip as he looked over at Rachel. "We didn't mean to scare you, actually. We were in the neighborhood and wanted to check on you. Your agent said you haven't left the house at all lately…"

Opening her mouth to reply, Rachel was cut off by the sound of breaking glass. "Santana, away from the alcohol!"

Coming out from the hallway, Santana rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned against the wall. "God, Berry. Can you get that stick out of your ass? I was getting everyone a drink, what's the big deal? Saving it for someone?"

In the beginning, Santana's snark comments sent Rachel to the guest room in tears with Finn convincing her to come out while Brittany gave a mini lecture to Santana. Now, Rachel's face showed no reaction, though her heart seemed to break all over again.

"Getting everyone a drink would mean you three are staying an extended period of time, which you aren't. Also? I don't need a drink as well as Santana crashing on my couch and eating all of my food again."

Frowning, Brittany looked to Finn, both having the same looks of concern while Santana, as usual, just rolled her eyes and slumped over to the chair across from Rachel on the far end of the room.

"Rachel…" Brittany started, letting out a sigh as her eyes went from Rachel instantly back to Finn, searching his eyes for the right words to say.

Instantly, Rachel knew where this was going. The trio, or more of Finn and Brittany, have been trying to get Rachel out of the house for the past few months, to get back out and at least act like she has a life. "No, Brittany. I don't want to go out today, and not for awhile either. I am perfectly content sitting in this chair in front of the fireplace. Besides, it's freezing and there isn't much to do right now."

"You could always try to do your job," Santana threw in, smirking as her eyes met Rachel's.

"Your comments are not needed, Santana. And to be honest, why even bother coming with Finn and Brittany to my house if you're going to be a snarky bitch the entire time?"

Santana's mouth opened for a response, but an unusually hard glare from Brittany made her mouth shut instantly.

Turning her focus back to Rachel, Brittany wrapped her arm around Finn's neck, sighing. "I do think you should go outside, but that's actually not why we came over here…"

Raising an eyebrow, Rachel felt herself relax again in her seat, nodding for her to continue.

"I was thinking… Well, Santana, Finn, and I were thinking…" Frowning, Brittany looked to Finn again, trying to put the words together.

"We were just thinking that, well, maybe you should let one of us stay here with you, just for a little while," Finn pitched in, squeezing Brittany's hand gently.

If she was honest, Rachel actually hadn't heard them. Her eyes were too captivated by their connected hands. Her mind flashed back to her own hands in Quinn's, in that sweet way and pinned to the bed, making her heart actually ache.

There was probably ten minutes of silence before it was broken.

"Manhands? Did you not hear Brittany and Finn? Or are you too busy thinking about how to shave your treasure trail today?"

Her hands were gripping the arms of the chair so tightly her knuckles were white. Rachel's eyes, usually happy, turned into a harsh glare. "What the fuck is your problem, Santana? No, really, what? We had a deal, after graduation that you would be nicer to me, where is that? Did it die with Quinn?"

Finn was jaw dropped, Brittany frowning, and Santana with an emotionless face but her eyes held that same reaction as Finn. Rachel's eyes were rimmed with tears, and she actually felt like her throat has closed up, unable to speak. That name, it never left her lips since she had to speak it, since the funeral.

Standing, Rachel brushed off her tears, shaking her head. "Honestly Santana? You don't even have to come here; no one is making you… So please, do me one nice thing out of your own kindness and not Quinn's sake and sanity like you used to. Please just keep your snarky comments, especially those relating to Quinn, to yourself."

The trio watched Rachel walk out of the room and to the restroom, instantly hearing the running of water. Finn sighed, looking to Brittany, knowing it only meant one thing. Rachel had regained enough tears to start crying again.

"I'll go check on Rachel, alright, babe? Take care of Satan." Pressing one more kiss to her cheek, he slid out from under her and disappeared up the stairs to find Rachel.

Sitting in silence, Brittany looked up to Santana, eyes mixed with sadness and confusion; the eyes that Santana had become well adjusted to since the death of their friend.

"Why do you do that to her, San? She's so sad and Quinn told us in her will that she wanted us, especially you, to be nice and help her. So…Why?"

Biting her bottom lip, Santana contemplated her answer. She knew why, it was the way she reacted with death, among other things. "I… I don't know. I don't handle death well, and you know it. Berry is just an easy target."

"She also lost more than either of us ever has." Standing and moving over to her, Brittany sat herself in Santana's lap, leaning her head on her shoulder. Santana knew this move, this was the thing Brittany did most often when she was sad and just wanted someone to hold onto her. "I just think… I think you should apologize to Rachel, for one. And secondly? You should be the one who takes care of her right now."

Wrapping her arms around Brittany, she sighed, resting her head on her friend's. "You know I can't do that, Britt… The last part, at least. I'll apologize but I don't know if I can do much more than that."

Tracing small patterns across Santana's arm, she sighed. "I know your reason, you told me while we were drunk freshman year of college, remember?"

Smiling softly, Santana watched Brittany's finger, shaking her head. "You have an excellent memory. I don't get why people call you stupid."

She shrugged, "Because I can be sometimes. It's okay, dancing makes it a bit impossible for people to notice sometimes."

The two sat in silence, watching the fireplace as Rachel had been, both thinking the same thing in silence before Brittany spoke it aloud.

"I don't get why Quinn didn't tell Rachel or any of us why she was sick…especially you or Rachel. I mean, you and she were partners and Rachel was the one she was spending forever with," Brittany said softly, looking up to Santana.

Looking down to Brittany as she looked up, Santana felt her heart break. Tear rimmed eyes, Brittany was beginning to shake lightly against her as she tried not to cry. "Why would she not tell anyone she was dying, San? She didn't even let anyone say goodbye…"

Fighting back her own tears as she brushed them off of Brittany's cheeks, she sighed, knowing the answer. She knew it even before they were all read her will.

"Because, B," Santana said softly, pulling her face into her neck as she felt tears pour down Brittany's face, "she wanted her last days with everyone to be happy instead of sad. Because well… She wanted to be happy when she died, and know that Rachel was happy too."

* * *

_Walking back into the house, Quinn threw her keys onto the table next to the door, sighing as she looked in the hallway mirror. "How do I even tell her?" she whispered to herself, frowning slightly as she fixed her make up.__Her eyes darted to the clock, biting her bottom lip. Rachel would be home any second now, she had to come up with some way of telling her. Someway she had to. But what was she going to say, 'Sweetie, the doctor gave me a month to live. How was your day?' No, that would be stupid, but she knew she had to come up with something.__She had just sat in her chair, staring at the fireplace before she heard the door open and her girlfriend singing. Quinn couldn't help but chuckle, looking over the head of the chair, raising and eyebrow. _

_"You're obviously super happy today… What happened today at the audition?"_

_Practically running over, Rachel jumped into Quinn's lap, kissing her gently. "I got the part! Oh god, I'm so excited… But they said that they were running behind and first show is in a month and oh god, Quinn!" __Rachel's arms were tight around Quinn's body, she couldn't help but laugh as she hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek. _

_"I told you you'd get the part, now pay up." _

_Rolling her eyes, Rachel reached into her back, pulling out her wallet and placing a twenty into Quinn's hand. "I cannot believe you are taking money from your girlfriend, Miss Fabray. That is just wrong." _

_Smirking, Quinn kissed her deeply, tangling her fingers into Rachel's hair and pulling her closer. When they parted, Quinn couldn't help but smile widely at Rachel's face. She was happy, content, and at peace with everything. Just perfect. She felt herself forgetting everything about her doctor's appointment. __They sat in silence in one another's arms for awhile, content with one another before Rachel spoke. "Oh, you texted me and told me you needed to tell me something? What is it? Did something happen at work?" _

_Quinn's heart dropped. Rachel looked so happy, so perfect and everything she remembered from the day they first started to date. Her mind raced, trying to think of something to say. If she told Rachel, she could only imagine what would happen. Rachel would drop out of her show and take Quinn anywhere and everywhere to get her better and fix her condition. Her last month on earth would be spent going all over the world and to numerous doctor appointments that would drive her insane beyond belief. _

_But then, she had an idea. She could just not tell Rachel. Their lives would remain the same, nothing would change. She would be able to spend her last days with the woman she loves and surrounded by friends, forget everything. It'd be like nothing was even happening. _

_"__Quinn?" _

_Snapped out of her daze, Quinn smiled, looking to her girlfriend. "Sorry, I was just thinking. But what I wanted to tell you is that my mom is coming this weekend. She's mad because I haven't let her come to see the new place." _

_Rachel sighed, rolling her eyes. "Oh fun… I look forward to her telling me I can't decorate and not able to have my way with my girlfriend after an exhausting day of rehearsal."_

_Grinning, Quinn traced her fingers along her thighs, eyes going darker. "Then I guess we should make up for the time we'll be losing."_

* * *

Hearing a soft know on the door, Rachel peaked out of her spot, sniffling. "What do you want?"

"Rachel, come on… Come out, please? Santana is just being a bitch; you know how she is… We won't bring her up anymore, just come out of there."

There was silence for a moment, just the sound of running water. Finn's hand was on the doorknob, waiting for Rachel to give her cue that it was alright to come in.

"It's unlocked," Rachel said softly, mostly in defeat. She knew Finn, he wouldn't give up easily.

Opening the door, she heard him chuckle, raising an eyebrow at him as he turned off the faucet on the sink.

"What's so funny, Finn?"

"I've never seen someone sit in a tub with a box of tissues and cry except in those movies Brittany makes me watch." Smiling, he made his way over to her, sitting on the edge of the empty tub. "How're you holding up right now?"

Frowning, Rachel brushed off a few tears with a tissue, looking up to him. "How do you think I'm doing?" She watched his face drop, boyish smile marked off of his face. She bit her bottom lip, eyes dropping from his gaze and looking back down to her lap. "I'm sorry… I don't know it's just.. God Finn, I haven't said her name since the funeral. Not even alone to myself."

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he squeezed gently, causing her eyes to look back up to him. "It's a good thing to say her name… I know this is going to sound mean but it's good to accept what has happened. She wanted nothing more than for you to be happy. She wanted that so much she couldn't even tell you she was…" He couldn't finish his sentence, not when he heard her begin to cry again. All he could do was run his hand up and down her back, sitting with her.

After a bit, she had calmed down, sighing as she stood and faced him. "Santana can come anytime she wants… She just needs to control her mouth, that's all I'm asking. She lost her partner; she's just as miserable as me."

Nodding, Finn stood, looking down to her. "Will you at least consider having someone, not even one of us but maybe your dads, coming to stay with you?"

Rachel nodded, sighing. "Yeah, I need to restock on food anyway. Santana keeps eating everything when you all come over."

Chuckling, he nodded, turning to walk out of the bathroom.

"Wait," she said softly, stepping out of the tub, extending her arms. "Can you just hug me for a few minutes? I could really use it."

Finn nodded, turning and wrapping his arms around her, instantly feeling her breakdown in his arms like she had four months ago when she found her girlfriend in their bed, dead.

* * *

_"Hey Quinn," Rachel whispered softly, eyes shut with her head on Quinn's shoulder, feeling like she was on the edge of sleep._

_"Hm?" Quinn murmured, not moving from her spot of perfect comfort on the ground. It was one thing to have sex on a wooden floor, another thing to be so exhausted you can't move and trying to sleep on it._

_"Can I ask you something?"_

_Quinn's senses instantly awoke, her body turning so she could face Rachel, putting her arm under a pillow to look at her. "Of course you can… You can always ask me something."_

_Biting her bottom lip, she looked over Quinn's face. "Why are you friends with Santana? I mean, I got it in high school, that made sense…and in college too, I mean you two had the same major and everything but… I mean, she's such a bitch, pardon my language, and is nothing but rude and sarcastic to us on many occasions. I know you're used to it but she's tormented me forever, basically. I just don't get it."_

_Sighing, Quinn looked at her girlfriend. She knew many reasons why she was friends with Santana, but she knew only a few reasons of why Santana actually stuck around whenever she had announced she was dating Rachel at the end of freshman year of college. She wasn't stupid or blind, she knew how Santana felt and such but she would never tell Rachel, not until the right time._

_They sat in silence, Quinn trying to think up her answer as she looked at her girlfriend's face. She was sincerely curious, not insecure like she was once upon a time. Biting her bottom lip, she sat up a bit on her elbow, looking down to her. "You know… I think it's because, though she's a bitch, she's actually a really good friend." More confusion, Quinn couldn't help but chuckle. "Sorry, that made no sense. Okay, think about it. Everyone knew I was pregnant with Puck's baby, not Finn's, and she didn't tell, despite trying to make it out to be that she hated me. And she's always been there for us… I know she can be mean and a bitch to you, but not always. She can be nice to people other than Brittany."_

_Rachel nodded, sighing as she curled herself more towards Quinn, biting her bottom lip. "I think she's only nice to me now because you're around."_

_Smiling, she shook her head, kissing her forehead gently. "No, believe it or not, there's another reason why she's being nicer to you. Besides, I won't be around forever to keep you safe, and Santana will still be nice to you."_

_Chuckling, Rachel shook her head. "Yeah right… And don't lie, you'll be around for awhile, I don't think I have much to worry about," she said with a yawn, eyes fluttering shut again._

_Frowning slightly, Quinn wrapped her arms around her, running her fingers up and down her spine. "I'll be around for as long as I can."_

* * *

Waving at Finn and Brittany as she watched them leave, Rachel sighed, walking back into the living room, looking at Santana. "Why did you stay, Santana? Honestly, because your insults are no longer welcome in my house."

She was silent, playing with the bottom of her dress before looking up to her. "I'm sorry."

Raising an eyebrow, Rachel crossed her arms over her chest, nodding at her to continue.

"I shouldn't have said those comments, it was mean and bitchy and all of that other stuff. Plus, you don't exactly deserve it…" Her eyes locked onto Rachel's for a second before they darted away, tears rimming them. "I miss her too, and I'm sorry. I don't know what my issue is."

Nodding, Rachel looked back over to her, smiling slightly. "It's alright, thank you for your apology Santana."

They sat in silence before Santana stood, walking over to her as she held out her hand. "I think it's time to try the whole 'friends' thing out for us… if you're willing to try it out as well."

Looking at her hand then back up to her, Rachel nodded again, shaking her hand. "Deal. Brittany said, before she left, that you would be helping me out?"

Her mouth opened to object before her mind went back to a crying Brittany in her arms, a sigh escaping her lips before she nodded. "Yeah. I'm job hunting right now anyway so it'd be nice to have a possible place to crash if it goes on late into the night. But only if you're okay with that."

Rachel contemplated it. She could just kick Santana out, be done with her, but she knew in her heart that's not what Quinn would want. She let go of Santana's hand, crossing her arms over her chest again. "Yeah, that works… Not do you mind going to buy me some more food? You keep eating me out of house and home."

Chuckling, Santana nodded, "If you make a list, yeah. And sorry, I eat when I'm depressed. Sorry Berry."

Sighing, she looked up to Santana, frowning slightly. "One more thing?"

Raising an eyebrow, she looked over to her, nodding slowly. "Yeah, anything. What?"

"Can you call me Rachel now?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, hello. Alright so obviously this is not as long as the first chapter. I hope you all don't mind this being the usual length of the chapters. I had a writing surge, so I hope this fills your possible craving.**

**Please review! **

* * *

It was weird, having someone else living with her. No one had really stayed the night at her house in ages, let along live there, not since Quinn passed. Still though, it felt like her presence loomed over the house. It always felt like that though, ever since they moved in. There was always a presence of something more being there, and that more always felt like Quinn, at least to Rachel.

In little over two months, Santana had settled in pretty easily. The guest room was decorated to her liking, but then again hardly any changes were made, like the bedroom had been made for her. If Rachel was honest, it was true. Santana did crash there more often than not. It was her home away from home, but now, just her home.

Santana grew into the home pretty quickly. She began to go grocery shopping for them and doing most of the house chose and laundry. On occasion, she'd even cook something for the both of them. Santana was like the wife she never had. Or, well, the wife she _almost_ had.

Rachel however hadn't really changed what she had done. Her phone was on silent constantly, letting everyone who even attempted to get her out of the house go straight to voicemail. As usual too, she would sit in Quinn's chair, drinking a glass of wine and staring at the fireplace. The only person who she ever really did speak with was Santana, and even those conversations were short, no matter what Santana did.

However, Rachel was pleased right now. In these moments of silence before Santana came back, she'd find herself daydreaming and remembering the things she misses the most.

* * *

_A heavy sigh left her lips as she looked to Quinn. "So, again, we're here why?"_

_Chuckling, Quinn wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's shoulders, rolling her eyes. "Rachel, we're here to be good friends. Plus, free tickets, how could we possibly resist?" And how could I resist watching one of my best friends dance one more time, she thought to herself._

_She was deteriorating, she knew it. It had been a week since her diagnosis, and she felt like she was counting down her last hours with everything the world had to offer. She was getting an increasing pain with the cancer growing inside of her. The tumor wasn't large, but the cancer had spread so far, she really would be lucky if she made it a month. _

"_Quinnie?" _

_Quinn looked over to Rachel, smiling. "Yeah, baby?"_

"_After this we go backstage to congratulate Britt, right? Then we can go home?"_

_Nodding slowly, Quinn frowned. "Yes… Why in a rush to get home?"_

_Shrugging, Rachel rested her head on Quinn's shoulder. "I just… Long day, I want to go home."_

_Kissing her forehead, Quinn shook her head. "They made a comment on your looks, didn't they?"_

_Sighing, Rachel nodded. "An extra. I tried not to let her get under my skin but it just kept digging into me. I couldn't stand it, Quinn. It hurt so badly, and I cannot help but doubt myself with those things sometimes. I need to look the part and someone saying I don't…"_

"_Hey, you listen." Sitting up and turning so Rachel and her locked eyes, she rubbed her hands up and down Rachel's forearms. "Rachel, you are so perfect for this part. You are just so amazing, why let some extra that's obviously jealous get under your skin? You're beautiful, and you're going to have that girl eating her words when flowers are thrown at your feet on opening night. You hear me?"_

_Nodding, Rachel leaned forward, capturing Quinn's lips with hers, kissing her deeply. "Thank you…"_

_Chuckling, Quinn kissed her forehead. "Always. Now, let's be a good audience for our friend, okay? Don't be so down."_

_Smiling, Rachel kissed Quinn's cheek, turning to face the stage as they watched the performance. Its funny how things like that seem to go by so quickly._

* * *

"Rachel?"

Snapping out of her day dream, Rachel turned, smiling slightly as she watched Santana fumble with the bags in her arms. "Would you like some help?"

"Please!"

Rushing over to her, she took a couple of the bags from her arms; blushing as they fingers graze across one another. It's quite weird, the feeling in her gut. She hasn't felt that in awhile, not since Quinn.

"Thank you. Sorry, I just knew we were low on a lot of things so I went on a spree."

"And you carried all of these bags in at one… Why?"

Opening her mouth, Santana tried to think of an excuse. Obviously, there wasn't a good one. "No idea. Because I'm Santana fucking Lopez? Anyway, would you like me to cook tonight?"

Rachel nodded, walking with her into the kitchen, placing the bags on the table. "That would be great, thank you. I'll help you put away the groceries."

Smiling slightly, Santana nodded. "Thanks."

They moved around in silence from there. Just the sound of pasta cooking and spices sizzling were all to be heard besides the sound of plastic bags being wrapped and put away from later use. Santana worked furiously over the oven, which Rachel could not help but let her eyes wander over that body. She convinced herself she was just weak, weak from the heart ache of Quinn's death, nothing more.

Santana could feel her eyes on her, and she couldn't help but smirk. She loved Rachel, had loved her for awhile. Everyone but Rachel seemed to be aware of that little fact. With her staring at her body, she couldn't help but feel a shot of arousal going through her. Of course though, she knew better. Usually being a "hands on" learner, Santana always kept her distance with Rachel. She didn't trust herself, especially since the pass of her business partner and the girl's girlfriend.

When dinner was done, Santana put it on plates and set the table, smiling slightly at Rachel. "I hope you like it. Just pasta with a bit of a Latin kick. I was sure to follow your diet regimen."

Rolling her eyes playfully, Rachel sat opposite of Santana, laughing. It was weird, almost genuine. "Shush. But thank you, no one else seems to be good at remembering that I don't eat meat."

Santana giggled. Usually, she'd push the conversation further, but she knew that today Rachel probably wouldn't be in the mood for Santana pushing her into it. So, they ate in silence until they both finished.

"I'll clean the table," they both said simultaneously, laughing.

"Really, let me."

"No, really, Santana, I don't mind."

Santana grinned. "Race you to it?"

Pondering for a moment, Rachel nodded, pursing her lips. "You're on, Lopez."

Both of them sprinted for the sink with their plates, trying to turn on the faucet and get the plates cleaned. Rachel got there first, leaving Santana to grab the small hose on the side, squirting Rachel with the water. Laughing wildly, Rachel splashed Santana back, taking the hose as Santana made a run under the table.

After the battle, they were both left laughing, drenched in water. Walking over to Rachel, Santana slid on the water, beginning to fall before her ended up grabbing Rachel and pulling her down by reflex.

Santana landed first, Rachel lying on top of her, both of them laughing continuously before realizing just how close they were. Their lips centimeters away, breathing the same air. Clearing her throat, Santana looked away as she felt a blush rise up to her cheeks.

Rachel slowly moved off Santana, licking her lips. "Are you okay?"

Nodding, Santana chuckled. "Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to pull you down with me."

Shrugging, she looked to her. "It's fine. I probably would have done the same."

They sat a bit in silence. However, instead of it being a welcome silence, it felt more uneasy and awkward. It felt out of place.

"Rache?"

"Hm?"

Scooting close to her, Santana looked her over. "Go out with Britt, Finn, and I. I know you hate going out, but we're just going to a club thing before Brittany leaves on tour again."

Rachel chewed her bottom lip, looking down. She hated leaving the house, but not for the reasons people thought. They assumed it was because she didn't want to get dressed and just wanted to mope in the silence of her home, when in reality, this was the only place and time she felt close to Quinn. If she left the house, she was scared Quinn would leave and not come back or that she'd be alone. "I… I don't know, Santana."

Nodding, Santana stood, squeezing her hair to get some of the water out. "I know you don't want to go, but it'd mean to lot to Brittany." There was a pause. "It'd mean a lot to me too. You could be my date. Not a date romantically but… I hate being the third wheel."

Rachel stayed silent, looking up to Santana.

"Just think about it." Santana smiled turning and walking up the stairs and into the bathroom to shower off the grime from the kitchen battle.


	3. Chapter 3

"I cannot believe that of all freaking places you three bring me out it, it's here."

"Again, not my idea, Rachel. Finn is too whipped with Brittany to have said no. I wanted to go to a strip club."

"I am not whipped!"

"I don't which of these two ideas is worse. And Finn, you really are."

"Am not!"

"Can't we all just enjoy this? And, honey, you are."

It's amazing the effect Brittany had when she spoke to them, like her voice was enough to stop any quarrel, no matter how serious, or in this case, stupid it was. Besides, honestly this place seemed like the best place in Brittany's mind to begin with! Then again, she didn't know the history it held.

"_Quinn, I love you, I really do but… Out of all the things we could be doing on my last week before the show, they hell are we doing in a zoo?"_

_Quinn laughed, rolling her eyes as they strolled down the walk, hand in hand. "Because there are other things in this world besides sex and fancy dinners."_

_Pouting, Rachel sighed in defeat, wrapping her arm around hers and pulling herself closer. "Okay, fine, what's first?"_

"Lions!"

Instantly Rachel's head shot up, a small ping in her heart. Weird though, it wasn't as intense as she was used to.

"Britts, chill. You're going to scare the children," Santana joked, laughing slightly. She was trailing in the back, making sure Rachel didn't ditch them. Besides, nice view back here, that was for sure.

"Oh, shut it San. When was the last time _any_ of us have been to the zoo?"

"_You have such a weird obsession with the animal, should I be concerned you'll leave me for one?"_

_Smiling, Quinn shook her head, a small cough escaping her lips. "Yep, they don't complain about probably the best fireplace to ever exist."_

Rachel felt herself stop, not wanting to move much closer than she was. She watched the lions from afar while Finn followed Brittany to get up close. God, all the same lions were still there, all but one. She had heard about it on the news, it was a small and short story, but she listened to it.

The alpha male had died of old age and a new one was being brought in. She knew this was ridiculous, it happened in nature all the time, but she was so insanely irked by it. What if the other lions didn't want the new male, rejected him? They were getting over the loss of the one they clinged to, and now they were acting as though nothing had happened and just getting a new male?

"Rachel?"

She snapped out of her thoughts, feeling someone right behind her, turning around to see Santana standing behind her with a slightly concerned look.

"Hey, you okay?"

_Laughing, Rachel pushed her slightly, rolling her eyes. "No, come on, in all seriousness. Why do you love lions so much?"_

_Licking her lips and looking down to her, Quinn sighed. "You're serious, aren't you?" The pleading eyes and pouting lip told her all, yeah. She was dead serious. "Okay, well… Don't laugh, but they remind me of you." Raising an eyebrow, she made sure the petite girl wasn't laughing before she turned her head back to the exhibit. "They're strong, brave, and if anyone ever gives them crap, they have no need to fear. They're so strong and powerful they intimidate everyone, everything, around them. They're feared and revered. They're the strongest animal I know, just like you." Smirking before turning down to her, Quinn laughed. "They're also pretty damn gorgeous."_

"Fine… I'm just fine, San."

Sighing, she moved a bit closer, leaning down to whisper into her ear. "Let's dip, this place is pretty lame."

Rachel nodded, clinging to Santana's arm as they snuck away. She had no want to go out anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

**I was thinking of making fanmixes for all of my recent series fics, what do you guys think? Also, postponing my other fics until I finish this one, which will be soon. I really hope you guys like how this is going so far.**

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* * *

After the incident at the zoo, Rachel didn't really want to go out anymore, and who could blame her? It sucked, especially after explaining to Brittany why Santana and she had left. Now, the only time she seemed to go out was for groceries and errands. Even though Brittany and Finn begged, she refused to move on her stance. After all, she always found comfort in hiding away in the home.

* * *

_Rachel was silent, unnervingly so. Quinn couldn't help but have a slightly distressed look as she looked over to her wife. It was, as far as Quinn knew, any day before her time was up, and she was getting worse. As far as Rachel knew, she had a really bad cold, but only because Quinn couldn't tell her anything besides that. _

_Walking over to the chair she had deemed her own, she sat on the arm of it, fingers playing with Rachel's hair. "What's on your mind?"_

_A soft sigh came from her lips, and that was about it. Biting her bottom lip, Quinn tucked a loose strand of brown hair behind the shorter girl's ear. "Rache, come on. What happened? Did another stupid extra give you shit? I'll get Santana to kill them for you."_

_That earned a laugh, which was good. At least Rachel wasn't too far gone in her thoughts to return. "Hey, talk to me. You know I love you." Quinn was always soft with Rachel when she was like this, which only happened after some remark from Santana or something happened at work._

"_I just…" Looking up to her, Rachel's face held a bit of fear, with a mix of excitement. "We've been together for so long and… Oh my gosh, I really cannot believe I'm actually stuttering and can't say what I want."_

_Quinn couldn't really hold back her chuckle, earning a slap to the arm that she knew would come. "I'm sorry, baby. What is it you want?"_

* * *

"We're pregnant!"

Rachel's eyes shot up from the fireplace, not really registering whatever words she heard, most focused on the sound of breaking dishes and the not so subtle "fuck" that came with it.

Standing and turning around, she looked to see Finn and Brittany, eyes bright and teeth out for the world to see. In Brittany's hand, she held the, oh so classy, pee stick, a blue plus sign burning into Rachel's head.

Santana came out, holding several paper towels wrapped around her hand, eyebrow raised. "Repeat that, I didn't hear you, I was too prepared to fucking cut someone for coming into the house unannounced."

Brittany was jumping up and down excitedly, nudging Finn for him to say something.

"Brittany and I, we're pregnant."

Just like that, Rachel felt tears form in her eyes. She was so happy for them, but…

Santana watched as Rachel darted up the stairs, hearing a door slam. Sighing slightly, she turned back to Finn and Brittany, who both held confused looks.

"Don't worry about it right now. Anyway, B, the hells are you doing still holding the stick?"

* * *

"_I really want one Quinn… We're both doing so well with work and we can support one and we have this giant place, I think… I think it's time."_

_Quinn bit her bottom lip, feeling a pang in her chest. God how she wanted that so much with Rachel, a kid or two or three, running around the house, a dog maybe thrown into it. She wanted that more than anything in the world. _

_But she couldn't._

* * *

Brittany and Finn left a little bit after, Santana promising to go out with them for a celebratory dinner the next day. Today wouldn't work, especially if they wanted Rachel to come.

Going up the stairs slowly, Santana frowned, knocking on Rachel's door gently.

Sitting up quickly, Rachel wiped her tears quickly, licking her lips. "Yes?"

"Berry… Hey, are you okay? Britt and Finn went home, you ran off in such a hurry…"

Sniffling, she thought of standing and getting the door, but she decided against it. It was open anyway. "You can come in if you want, Santana."

She watched, the door slowly opening, eyes meeting with Santana's. God, Santana's eyes, they held nothing but sympathy and understanding. It broke Rachel's heart all over again.

She watched as the Latina moved over to her, asking without words if she could sit next to her on the bed before doing just that. They were silent, sitting together, Santana moving her hand over to gently rub up and down it comfortingly. "Want to talk about it?"

Rachel bit her bottom lip, not sure if she did or didn't. It had been so long since she actually discussed Quinn with anyone, but the more she thought about it, the more she wanted to talk about it. Not to just anyone, just with Santana. She didn't understand it, but she felt like she had some sort of safety with it.

However, Santana had plans of her own. "I knew, you know." Rachel looked over to her, confused, knew what? "I knew you asked her about kids, that you two were planning to have them. Or well, you were."

It was kind of a relief, knowing she didn't have to explain it all. "You know, Quinn always said she wanted you to be happy, no matter what. She wanted to have children with you so goddamn bad."

Then, silence. Rachel just watched Santana's face, noticing how her eyes were becoming watery. "You will be happy again, you know. Believe it or not." This was astounding, to Rachel's honesty. Santana wasn't one to let her walls down to show her soft side, only Brittany, and sometimes Quinn, had seen it. And now, here she was, doing the same thing with Rachel.

She knew no other reaction, so Rachel leaned over, clinging to Santana, burying her face into her neck as tears began to pour down from her eyes. "I wanted to be a mom so bad, San."

Wrapping her arms tightly around Rachel, she nodded, kissing the top of her head, just how Quinn did when she was like this. "I know, Rachel. You will be, I promise."


End file.
